To Be Yourself

If there is something that requires a lot of work, constant work, especially in your 20s, it is learning to be yourself.

In the transition from someone taking care of you and making decisions for you to you taking care of everything on your own, there is a sudden shift of responsibility. And being responsible for your actions is the hardest thing to accept. Because if something bad happens, it is on you. And if something good happens, that is also on you.

You are just figuring things out, and society and life throw challenges at you that you have never faced before. It could be insecurity. It could be expectations. It could be the pressure you put on yourself. From career to marriage, everything is planned differently in different heads. There is a conventional way of doing everything, and then there is your way of doing it. And it is hard to stay on your way when things get rough.

Of course, living life on your own terms is a luxury, and many cannot afford it. But believing in yourself and compromising just enough for the time being, not permanently, is what makes ordinary people extraordinary.

There is nothing wrong with the conventional way. It is easy, predictable, and familiar. Everyone understands it, and everyone is comfortable with it. But if it is not your way, it will never fully satisfy you. It takes guts to step into the unknown, to follow what your heart wants and not what society expects. You become part of the gossip. You become an example in conversations. Parents teach their children what not to do in life.

But a life lived quietly on your own terms is far better than a loud life lived for people and expectations.

And through all of this, you need just one thing: a strong belief in yourself. And the cherry on the cake is having someone who believes in you more than you believe in yourself. Someone who can hold you when you are on the verge of collapse, remind you why you started, and why you are still standing.

Sometimes I feel envy toward certain people. Either they got lucky and found early success through the conventional path, or they have not reflected enough to question whether they actually want what they are doing. So they never feel they made the wrong decision. Sometimes I wish I could do that too. Make a few wrong decisions, learn from them, instead of trying to do the right thing from the start and standing rigidly by it.

I feel envy toward those who found a reason, a bahana, to believe that whatever they are doing is right, even if deep down it is not what they want. At least they have a belief. As for me, there are ninety things that i know i want to do and I do it, luckily. For the remaining ten, I have settled for now. I have found reasons to delay them, not abandon them. I will solve them, just not yet.

There is this interview clip by Zakir Khan that I really love.

A reminder to live life on your own terms. To do everything your way.

My boat may be facing a headwind, pushing me where I do not want to go, creating friction that is hard to resist. But I will paddle in the direction I choose for as long as I can. And if I get tired, I will allow the boat to drift for a while. I will rest. I will gather strength. And then I will paddle again until the wind comes to my side. Because God’s plan works only when you keep putting in the effort. Luck exists, yes. But the more you try, the higher your chances become. The probability increases. And so, with that hope, I choose to never settle.